


the Deep and Down

by alwayseven



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 21:16:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayseven/pseuds/alwayseven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven months ago, Jared's brief foray into amateur porn led him to Jensen and a new found acceptance of his sexuality. Now Jared's a college sophomore and his life is a lot more complicated as he tries to navigate a sexual relationship with a guy for the first time. Thanks to Jensen he's discovering things about himself he's never known, including the realization that he kind of loves it when Jensen ties him down and marks him up. Sequel to Relax, It's Just Sex</p>
            </blockquote>





	the Deep and Down

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Spn_J2_bigbang 2012.

Jared hasn’t done porn in seven months. 

Now it’s just something he _did_ , a conversation starter.

Things are mostly back to normal, though Jared’s still trying to adjust to a ‘normal’ that includes dating a guy, when seven months ago he’d considered himself mostly straight. 

It’s his second year in college and things have mostly stayed the same. He and Chad still share the same narrow, crappy little house, Jared still works too many hours at the bookstore and he’s still trying to figure out where Jensen fits in his life. 

Jared can’t put words to whatever it is that they have. They took a break over the summer, nothing official but a mutual agreement that being in different cities might make a new relationship more complicated than it needed to be. When September came and Jared was back in Galveston, they fell back into each other like no time had passed. 

It’s exclusive, this thing between them, as much as it really can be with Jensen off fucking other guys for the camera. Which is something they don’t ever talk about for no other reason than Jared’s working really hard at not having a problem with it. 

There’s this feeling of something building between them since Jared came back. They’re both so busy but every free second Jared has he gives to Jensen.  
 It’s a cool, rainy Thursday and Jared is knee deep in hours of dense reading for his Russian literature class, a class he’s forgotten the reasons for taking. He’s been at it since his last class let out at four. The world outside has gotten dark and he’s camped out in the gloomy living room. Better here than one of the crowded libraries. 

There’s a knock at the door that startles him out of his reading haze. He’s not expecting anyone and he’s not all that with it when he gets blearily to his feet and heads for the door. Jensen is the last person he expects to see on the other side. Jensen’s hair is wet with rain water, his t-shirt damp and sticking to him and there’s this wild look in his eyes that take Jared by surprise. 

Jared’s brain is complete mush from trying to cram it full of information he’s not sure he’ll ever need and it takes a second for it to register that Jensen’s standing on his front porch, soaked from the rain because he wanted to see Jared. 

Jared feels himself go flushed with pleasure. “Hi,” he says stupidly, standing there in his bare feet, looking at Jensen like it’s been months and not a day and a half. 

Jensen’s mouth quirks up in the hint of a smile before it’s gone and he’s stepping inside, kicking the door shut as he reaches for Jared. He wraps strong fingers around Jared’s neck and hauls him forward with more force than Jared’s expecting. Jared’s stunned stupid. 

Jensen doesn’t kiss him like Jared’s expecting. He presses his mouth to Jared’s jaw, trails hot lips up to the shell of his ear and his voice is new and strange to Jared when he says “I’ll apologize later if you need me to, but I really need to fuck you.” 

Jared chokes on his shock. He’s never seen Jensen like this and he wants to ask a dozen questions. He settles instead for nodding as he tries to catch his breath. Jensen brings him down with a strong grip on the back of his neck, his mouth hot when he kisses Jared, licks right into his mouth like he’s trying to taste all of him. It’s aggressive, demanding, more intense than Jared’s ever been kissed before. 

It doesn’t matter that it’s all frighteningly new, like standing on the edge of a precipice waiting to jump. He’s hard from it, from the tension he can feel in Jensen’s body, from the way Jensen’s looking at him like he wants to fucking _devour_ him. 

Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s back and holds on for dear life. He lets out a gasp that turns into a low cry when Jensen surges forward, backing them into the wall. Jared lands against it with a thud, knocking the breath right out of him. Jensen holds him there with his hips and Jared can feel the hard, thick shape of Jensen’s cock at his hip. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being wanted by Jensen, being the object of Jensen’s focus. It’s a powerful feeling. 

“Jesus,” Jared moans, clinging to Jensen, fingers curled around his upper arms. Jensen’s using his weight to hold Jared against the wall - they’re just about the same height, though Jared’s starting to edge ahead, but Jensen’s got the adrenaline going for him. 

Jensen shocks the shit out of him by fumbling for one of Jared’s wrists and slamming it against the wall, using Jared’s surprise to get the other one pinned. Jared’s vision blurs a little - this is like some twisted, warped fantasy coming to life, one he didn’t even realize he had until now; until he’s got Jensen manhandling him. 

Jensen gets a thigh between Jared’s legs and uses it to keep Jared pinned against the wall as he works his hips in a rhythm that makes Jared ache down in his bones for this. 

He’s painfully aware that Chad could come in at any second and how frustratingly awkward that would be. He clutches at Jensen and mumbles into his mouth, "upstairs, Jensen." He’s trying to get some leverage, some friction, anything to ease the tension in him. He's so hard it's uncomfortable, and Jensen's got this frightening single minded focus, sucking hard at Jared's throat like he's trying to leave his mark. 

Jared's skin gets hot at the thought of wearing reminders of Jensen on his skin. 

"Please," Jared lets out - he just needs something right now, anything. 

Jensen goes completely, frighteningly still. "Yeah?" he whispers, pulling back to look at Jared. His eyes are dark and there's something possessive in the way he's looking at Jared. Jared can’t help it - he whimpers, the most embarrassing sound he’s made in his life. 

Jensen gives him one last hard kiss and pushes Jared toward the stairs. It’s a frantic rush as they push their way into Jared’s narrow, cluttered room. He’s only got a double bed; barely big enough for him alone, which is why they don’t usually do this here. But Jared’s too far gone to give a shit about that, he’ll take Jensen on the floor if he has to. 

Jensen doesn’t hesitate as he yanks Jared’s shirt over his head and works quickly at his jeans. “Get on the bed,” Jensen says when Jared’s clothes are on the floor and he doesn’t have a second to feel embarrassed about how hard he is, his cock jutting out, hard as he’s ever been. It’s so clearly a demand but what’s surprising about it is the way it makes him feel, this heat in him at being told what to do. 

He gets on the bed, flat on his back against the pillows, and curls his palm around his cock. He watches Jensen get naked. His shoulders are broader, his waist narrower since the summer. He’s been beefing up, Jared thinks, getting ready for some project Jeff and the JDM people have him working on. He looks different but Jared can’t take his eyes off the cut of his hips, that dip that makes his tongue itch to taste the skin there. 

Jared’s eyes settle on Jensen’s. It’s like lightening sizzling under his skin, the way Jensen’s looking at him. Jared strokes himself a little faster, shifts his hips up into it and swears he could come like this. 

Jensen settles on the bed between Jared’s spread legs and pushes Jared’s hand away. “No touching,” he says. It sounds like a warning. Jared wouldn’t have thought he’d like that, being told what he could and couldn’t do. But his cock drips pre-come on his belly and it doesn’t really matter what he thought before this. 

Jensen takes a second to drag his eyes over Jared, looking at him like he’s trying to memorize every inch of him. It makes Jared feel stripped bare, like his skin’s been peeled away and everything’s been revealed. 

Jared’s breath is caught in his chest. The way Jensen’s looking at him - like he’s seeing him, really _seeing into him_ for the first time - makes Jared feel oddly vulnerable. It’s never been like this with anyone, ever. It’s a little like his world’s been tipped on its axis and it’s all he can do to dig in and hold on. 

For a minute, Jared gets the impression that Jensen wants to say something, offer some kind of insight or explanation, but it passes and he says instead in this rough voice, “roll over.” 

Just like that the hesitation is gone and Jensen is pressing Jared into the mattress, face down into the sheets. He holds him there, like Jared’s planning on going anywhere, with a palm on his lower back, strength Jared’s never noticed before. 

Jared tilts his ass up and waits for it, waits for Jensen's fingers to get him ready. It’s still new to him, the way he likes _anything_ in his ass. But Jared doesn’t get Jensen’s fingers. What he gets instead is the blunt head of Jensen's dick pushing at him, slick with _something_ , but no stretching to make the push easier.

His first reaction is to tense up completely; use his muscles to keep Jensen out. He’s not used to it like this, without prep or warning. He exhales sharply and forces his body to relax. He wants it, he always wants it, but he’s never taken it like this - nothing but the stretch of Jensen’s dick working him open. 

The pain of it surprises him in its sharpness that hits him in his back, his knees. Beyond that is how hot it makes Jared, just Jensen’s dick loosening him. The ache makes it hotter, that unexpected burn making his whole body shake. He bites his lip to keep from making stupid, needy noises because _shit_ , this is so stupidly, insanely sexy and he just wants to focus on _everything_.

He grips the sheets beneath him, tangles them in his fingers and tries to focus. His cock is so hard where it’s pressed to the mattress he can feel the wetness against his belly. He rocks a little, as much as he can with Jensen keeping him still, fingers digging into his spine. Jensen’s taking his damn time, working Jared open with a slow rocking rhythm of his hips. Jared’s gasping, trying to breathe. His body’s trying to adjust and he’s biting his to keep from coming like this, before Jensen’s even halfway in. 

“Jensen,” Jared babbles, “fuck, do it, come on.” Just a stream of words that barely register. 

He swears he can _feel_ Jensen’s growl as he leverages his weight on Jared; palm braced on his back as he fucking _thrusts_ all the way in, hips slamming against Jared. Jensen does it again, just starts moving, rocking his hips deep into Jared until Jared can feel every inch of him. Jensen doesn’t let him adjust before he’s pulling out to push all the way back in with enough force that Jared feels it in his teeth. 

Jared’s choking on it, feeling every fucking inch of Jensen’s cock in him, trying to get the right angle, the right rhythm, but it really doesn’t matter when he’s so close he’s going to come all over his sheets with nothing but the friction of the bed and his belly trapping his cock. 

He’s never been fucked like this. They’ve had some hot sex, but it’s never been like this; primal and raw. Jared’s sweating and panting and fucking _shaking_. 

"Oh _fuck_ ," Jared groans, trying to hold it back but this is so frantic and rushed and so, _so_ hot. He’s going to feel this later, will be feeling it for the next couple of days. The idea of it gets him hotter, the thought that he’ll have this reminder of Jensen dicking him so fucking deep, fucking him so good his teeth ache with it. 

Jared doesn't know where Jensen's head is at, but he's almost methodical, mechanical in his moves; rocking his hips hard, this rhythm to it that makes light flare behind Jared's eyelids.

Jensen shifts suddenly, getting leverage and unfolding himself to lie over Jared, all that skin against his own; hot and feverish. 

Jared doesn't quite register what Jensen's doing, just that he’s fumbling between them. And then Jensen grabs his wrist, hauls it up and presses it to the bed. He does the same thing with Jared's other arm, uses one hand to lock Jared's wrists together. It surprises the hell out of Jared; the strength in Jensen, the weight of him on Jared, and how much Jared fucking _loves_ it. 

His shoulders ache and his wrists ache and his dick is fucking throbbing. He's got his teeth digging into his lip, just to keep from begging Jensen to fuck him harder. 

Jensen mouths at the dip of Jared's shoulder, breath hot against his skin, and works his hips against Jared's ass; so deep Jared can feel it in his fucking stomach. 

Jensen opens his mouth, closes his teeth around a patch of skin and Jared's eyes roll back in his head; hissing as his orgasm starts in his knees and rushes out of him, come soaking the sheets beneath him and staining his belly. 

Jensen doesn't stop. Usually this is when Jensen pulls out and takes Jared's mouth, his hand; jerks himself off maybe. But he's not relenting, just pounding into Jared and holding him by the shoulder. 

Jared breathes into the sheets, wet beneath his cheek where he's been drooling and panting. He swears he's still hard. This is the hottest fuck of his _life_ and he's going to be reliving it for days, even after he's stopped walking funny. 

Jensen’s sucking at that patch of skin, licking and biting at it and Jared’s still shuddering through orgasm. Jensen’s found this relentless rhythm. He’s got his dick all the way in, his hips pressed flush against Jared’s ass and he’s rocking hard and deep, fucking Jared so good Jared wonders if it’s possible to pass out from this. 

"Jensen," Jared mumbles, "I'm gonna come again." He’s halfway there already, after no recovery time. HIs cock is sticky where it’s trapped against his belly and every push of Jensen’s cock in him jolts him into the mattress, rubbing at his dick. 

"Yeah?" Jensen hisses, mouthing at Jared's jaw, tongue licking at Jared’s stubble. "You're so hot for this."

Jared just whimpers at that. It’s the god honest truth. He’s never been so turned on in his life, just lying here and taking every inch of Jensen, letting Jensen use him in a way he never has before. Jensen’s always been sweetly careful with Jared. Not now, though, and Jared can’t even hide how bad he wants it. 

Jensen pulls out suddenly and so fast Jared's head spins. He manhandles Jared over, keeping a hand on his wrists and it hurts; his shoulders aching now, his wrists tender. But he's getting off on it; the way Jensen just braces his weight on Jared as he presses his wrists back into the mattress, and uses his free hand to guide himself back inside. 

Like this, Jared can't touch himself, he realizes suddenly. He glances down. His cock is sticky with his load, red and pressed against his belly. His ass is starting to feel tender and raw. He’s vaguely aware that he’s making these stupid noises deep in his chest that he can’t help. He’s a mess of emotion, of sensation, of fucking _feeling_ and all he can do is take everything Jensen’s giving him. 

Jensen leans forward, covering Jared with his body so they’re pressed together, all sweat damp skin to skin. Jensen presses his face to Jared’s throat, breath hot against Jared’s overheated skin, sucking a kiss to the hollow there. Like this, with Jensen’s arms bracketing him, holding his own wrists to the bed, Jared can feel everything - every breath Jensen takes, every sound that comes out of his mouth, fucking _everything_. 

When Jensen comes, it’s without any warning and Jared feels that, too. His breathing stutters and catches and he comes deep. He feels the way Jensen shudders through it, the way his hips stutter and press all the way in, the way his shoulders shake the way they do when he comes really hard. 

Jared turns his face blindly towards Jensen, gasps into it when Jensen takes the hint and kisses him hard, all aggressive tongue and teeth. 

Like this, Jared’s dick is trapped between them, caught and rubbing against Jensen’s sweat slick belly. Jared’s shoulders and wrists ache, that soreness in his ass more pronounced now and he has never been so hard for anything in his life. And he just fucking came, Jesus.

Jensen pulls out abruptly, letting go of Jared and moving to a sprawling position between Jared’s splayed thighs. His breath his hot and wet on Jared’s cock and that’s all the warning Jared gets before he sucks him in deep, hollowing his cheeks and flattening his tongue. He looks up at Jared with his mouth stretched, his face flushed, hair matted to his forehead. 

“Oh my god, Jensen,” Jared just moans, pushing a hand into Jensen’s head to hold him there as Jensen just sucks at him all sloppy and wet, making choked off little noises that vibrate through Jared’s bones. 

It’s embarrassingly quick, especially given this is the second time he’s blowing his load in less than an hour. Jensen sucks at the head of Jared’s dick, sucks _hard_ and just makes encouraging noises when Jared tells him he’s close. 

It surprises the shit out of him when he comes _hard_ , this convulsing of his body that’s never happened to him before. It’s a freight train barreling through him with no warning and when it comes it’s all he can do to hold on. 

Jensen doesn’t let up. He’s digging his fingers into Jared’s hips, pressing him down, and Jared can feel the shape of his fingertips leaving marks in his skin. Jensen relaxes the suction a little but keeps mouth at Jared, swallowing all of Jared’s come and waiting patiently. 

Jared reaches to grab Jensen by the shoulders, pulls him up before he’s really caught his breath, while he’s still shaking. He palms Jensen’s face in his hands and catches Jensen’s wet, sloppy open mouth. He chases the taste of himself on Jensen’s tongue. 

Jared feels it when Jensen comes back to himself. He’s holding his body full of tension. He’s abrupt when he withdraws, gets to his feet to dispose of the condom. He’s all aloof and detached now, like what happened just now didn’t just happen. 

It’s startling. Jensen looks stunned. Jared’s lying there covered in his own come, watching Jensen’s emotions play across his face. He looks like he’s just realizing the enormousness of what happened between them, that this was brand new and completely unfamiliar in the context of the two of them.

Jared focuses on coming back to himself. He’s all boneless now, relaxed to the point of being comatose. There’s a soreness in his shoulders, his thighs, his wrists that he knows he’ll feel tomorrow. He’s looking forward to it. If this is the only time they do it like this, with Jensen letting himself go and taking what he wants, Jared wants a reminder of it to hold onto. 

When Jared looks back to Jensen, Jensen’s watching him with this unreadable expression in his eyes. “Jared,” he says quietly as he reaches out to touch Jared’s shoulder. The way Jensen’s looking at him is intense. “I’m sorry.” 

It’s the last thing Jared’s expecting to hear. He sits up a little, wincing as he feels it in every muscle. “What?” His head is a fog, his body completely foreign to him, and he blinks a little owlishly at Jensen because things just aren’t making sense at the moment. Sorry is not what he’s wanting to hear. 

“Shit, I’m fucking sorry,” Jensen mumbles, pushing a hand through his hair and looking as close to frazzled as Jared’s ever seen him. Jared just sits there in his tiny bed that reeks of sex and watches his boyfriend completely shut down. And that’s new, _boyfriend_. Something to think about for another day. 

Jensen’s reaching for his underwear, looking a little frantic, and Jared just needs things to slow down for a second. 

“Jensen, stop,” he says, putting a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I don’t understand.” It’s an understatement of epic proportions, actually. “What’s wrong?” 

Jensen makes a frustrated noise and lets his briefs fall to the floor. He turns to look at Jared and Jared’s caught by how incredible he looks like this. His hair’s a mess, his face flushed, his skin in a layer of sweat. Even now, completely lost at whatever it is that’s happening right now, Jared can’t get over how beautiful Jensen is. 

“Jensen,” Jared mumbles, putting a hand on his hip just because he wants to reassure Jensen in some way and touch has always been the only way he knows how. “Will you just tell me what’s wrong?” 

Jensen gives Jared the ghost of a smile, the fondness in his eyes that still makes Jared a little breathless. He sits at the edge of the bed, body turned toward Jared, and reaches out to brush Jared’s sweaty hair out of his eyes.

Jared hums, leaning into the touch. He’s such a sucker for this. “Please talk to me, and stop looking so tortured.” He turns his face into Jensen’s hand and kisses the heel of his palm. “It’s freaking me out.” 

Jensen’s quiet for long enough that Jared thinks he might not answer. And then, in a quiet voice he says, “what do you know about BDSM?” 

Jared feels the surprise on his face. It’s not something he knows anything about, it’s never even really entered his mind. “Um, you mean like whips and chains?” He says with a dry mouth and what feels like a flush spreading up his throat. 

This time the smile Jensen gives Jared is a sweet mix of indulgent and amused. He’s visibly more relaxed now, though, and that makes Jared breathe a little easier. “Something like that,” Jensen agrees. “I guess that’s an element of it.” He’s still sifting his fingers through Jared’s sweaty hair, rubbing his thumb along the curve of his neck, and Jared feels like he’s going into a trance. He tries to focus on the words Jensen’s saying. “I’m talking mostly about the dominant and submissive relationship.” 

Jared nods like he understands what Jensen’s saying, like it’s clear where he’s going with this. 

Jensen digs his thumb into Jared’s skin and Jared can’t help it, he lets his head fall back, groaning. But Jensen has his attention now. “Like holding someone down.” Jensen tells him in this low, rough voice that hits Jared hot in his gut. “Controlling them.” 

Jared’s whole body is reacting to this conversation. It’s new, it’s intriguing, it’s overwhelming and quite out of nowhere, he’s interested. 

“Jared,” Jensen sounds bemused. “Pay attention to what I’m saying. There are rules that come with that kind of play, Jared, established rules that I didn’t follow. I should have asked you before I did any of that. I’m sorry.” 

“What kind of rules?” Jared’s pulse is hammering in his throat. He didn’t know Jensen was into this kind of thing, even though he’s not sure what “this kind of thing” really entails. 

“Established boundaries,” Jensen says, circling his thumb over the pulse point at Jared’s throat. “An agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, what’s acceptable, what’s forbidden. Usually there’s a safe word involved as well.” 

Jared’s heard the term before but he doesn’t really understand what it means. “Safe word?” 

“It’s a word, usually something random and unsexy, like ‘spaghetti.’ It’s for safety purposes, when you get involved in consent play, breath play, pain play, anything that involves an aspect of danger. If the safe word is used, all play comes to an end, no questions asked.” 

Jared’s trying to take in everything Jensen’s explaining to him, but it’s difficult with Jensen touching him like that, with the way Jared’s body’s reacting to not only Jensen but what he’s telling him. He’s intrigued, turned on by the thought of doing those kinds of things with Jensen. 

“Do you do that a lot?” Jared asks him. “Play?” 

Jensen shakes his head. “Not anymore. I used to.” He’s combing his fingers through the damp hair at the nape of Jared’s neck now and Jared’s gone completely, stupidly boneless. “I used to be in a serious Dominant/Submissive relationship.” 

Jared knows the surprise is showing on his face. “I didn’t know that,” Jared says.

“It ended, not badly or otherwise, it just sort of dissolved and I walked away from it for a while.” Jensen’s quiet then and Jared lets the silence exist, doesn’t try to fill it.

“What are you thinking?” Jensen says after a short while. 

“I was thinking I’m glad you told me that,” Jared admits softly, ducking his head and kissing Jensen, lips brushing the corner of his mouth. 

Jensen looks like he’s coming down from wherever it was that he went. Jared leans into him and lets the exhaustion settle into his bones. He’s got too much homework ahead of him but he’d be content to stay like this and forget the rest of the world. 

“I had a bad day,” Jensen tells him. It’s a quiet admission. “A shitty day. And the first thing I thought about was you.” He reaches for Jared’s hand and curls his fingers around his palm. 

Jared feels his face get warm. Jensen keeps catching Jared off guard, the way he has since the day they met seven months ago. One of these days Jared will stop being surprised. 

“I wanted to see you,” Jensen’s saying, “and then something just flipped in me; like a switch, and I was right back in that mindset.” 

Jared’s remembering the frantic, wild eyed expression on Jensen’s face, the way he held onto Jared. “I don’t really understand it,” Jared says. “But I liked it.” 

Jensen lets out a huff of surprise, like he wasn’t expecting that, and gives Jared a sly smile with a hint of something dirty and dark. “You did?” 

Jared laughs then, a genuine belly laugh. He hides his face in Jensen’s shoulder. It’s an understatement, really. Jared wouldn’t mind doing it again, maybe a few more times. 

“Yeah.” He mumbles when he’s caught his breath. “I did.”

Jared can feel Jensen’s grin against his skin and that feels nice, good. 

“It’s after nine,” Jensen mumbles a little later, this note of apology in his voice. They both have school work and neither have them have eaten. 

Jensen gets to his feet and there he is in all his naked, unapologetic glory, reaching for Jared with this sweet, fond curve of his lips. Jared lets Jensen pull him up. His feet hit the floor and his knees buckle, a rush of dizziness hitting him hard. 

“Careful,” Jensen hums, catching Jared with a palm at the small of his back. 

“Shit,” Jared whispers. He can feel the flush in his face, the heat spreading down his throat. He gets a flash of the very first time Jensen ever fucked him, what it was like to get up and feel in every ounce of him the memory of Jensen in him. It’s different now, the kind of ache that comes from a fast, hard fuck.

“Alright?” Jensen presses his mouth to Jared’s ear. He’s stroking his fingers along Jared’s skin and it’s driving Jared a little insane. 

“A little light headed,” Jared admits. It makes sense, he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch and he just had his brains fucked out. 

“Come on,” Jensen says lowly, “let’s go shower.” 

Showering together means Jensen turns Jared against the wall and fucking _worships_ him. Jared couldn’t get it up again if he tried and his body sure is trying. Jensen’s pressing kisses to every inch of Jared’s body, trailing his mouth down the dip of Jared’s spine until Jared’s thighs quake and he’s not sure he can hold himself anymore. 

Jensen soaps up his hands and washes Jared _there_ , between his legs where he’s sore and aching. 

Jared just braces himself against the wall, palms flat and forearms shaking. He hisses when Jensen rubs two fingers over his hole. 

Jensen stills his hand but doesn’t remove his fingers. He kisses Jared behind his ear. “Does it hurt?” Jensen asks. 

It’s sexy as hell being here with Jensen, hot, steamy water sliding over them as Jensen takes care of Jared like it’s something he _wants_ to do. Jared’s face is hot but he nods and says quietly, “a little. It’s sore.” He’s going to feel it for days, he knows, a thought that’s hotter than he would have imagined. 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, sounding like he means it. 

Jared tries to turn to look at Jensen, to protest. He doesn’t want an apology, not when he wants to do it again as soon as they can. 

“Shh,” Jensen soothes, keeping Jared against the tile with a hand between his shoulder blades. “I’m not sorry it happened,” he says like he knows what Jared’s thinking. “I’m sorry it hurts.” 

Sometimes Jensen’s so fucking sweet Jared’s chest tightens up and it feels like he can’t breathe. It’s overwhelming, when he spent his adolescence dating girls and feeling massively underwhelmed.

When Jensen’s done with the soap, he turns Jared around and drags him under the spray, letting the water wash it all away. He keeps his hands on Jared’s body, fingers at his hips. 

“Can I borrow some pants?” Jensen asks a little while later, standing in Jared’s tiny bedroom with a towel around his hips and water sliding down his shoulders. 

Jared’s pulled on a pair of underwear and he’s standing there, body putting up a valiant effort to get hard as he looks at Jensen. He gets caught off guard every now and then by how beautiful Jensen is, like he’s seeing him for the first time all over again. 

“Jared,” Jensen prompts, mouth in a smile. “Clothes?” 

Jared makes a face. “Right, pants,” he says to himself and unearths a pair of old sweats that will likely be too big on Jensen. 

He’s right, they hang off his hips in a way that makes Jared want to get on his knees and taste Jensen’s skin, lick at his hipbones and follow the trail of hair where it deeps beneath the waistband. 

Jared finds Jensen an old t-shirt that was probably Chad’s once upon a time judging by the way it fits Jensen like a second skin, stretching across his shoulders and molding around the shape of his chest. 

“Food,” Jared says suddenly, way too loudly. “I’m starving.” Anything to get out of this room that smells like come and sweat and reminds Jared of what took place not that long ago. He needs food and air and a second to get his bearings. 

Jensen laughs at him then, an amused sound that makes him look five years younger. Jared can’t even bring himself to be annoyed, he likes it so much when Jensen looks like that. 

Chad comes home when they're eating sandwiches at the narrow kitchen table. Jared's sitting gingerly on a pillow from the sofa, smiling at the way Jensen so chivalrously procured it for him when Jared hissed as he sat on the unforgiving wooden chair. 

Chad comes into the kitchen, nods at Jensen and takes a good look at Jared. He's wearing sweats, his hair still wet from the shower, and he's been half hard since he sat down. He bends over his plate and ignores the calculating way Chad's looking at him. His face is flushed pink. Beneath the table, he feels Jensen's bare foot nudge at his ankle, making him smile and duck his head to hide it. 

"Well," Chad says, grabbing the seat beside Jared and straddling it. "You look like you've been fucked into next week," he says like this is something best friends say to each other. He takes the other half of Jared's sandwich off his plate and stuffs it in his mouth. 

Given that's how Jared feels at the moment, he doesn't have much of anything to say to that. 

Across the table, Jensen's looking half embarrassed, half ridiculously pleased with himself. He catches Jared's gaze and his smile gets wide and really fucking dirty. 

This isn't the first time the three of them have hung out, and it's not the first time Jared's been aware of the fact that his boyfriend and his best friend once fucked for the camera. It's something Jared doesn't let himself dwell on. It was too long ago to make a deal out of, but it's something that lurks there in the back of his head. 

Chad steals Jensen’s beer, finishes Jared’s sandwich and gets up with a loud, “you owe me details,” to Jared, before he stomps up the stairs. 

Jared shrugs and smiles apologetically at Jensen. “I’ve been friends with him so long I’ve forgotten why I like him.” 

Jensen’s nodding his head like he understands. Jared knows very little about Jensen’s best friend Christian, but he’s guessing Jensen probably does get it. 

Jensen heads to the fridge for another beer. He leans against the counter as he drinks it, his eyes on Jared. There’s heat in Jensen’s eyes. Jared feels it slide over him. 

He gets up unthinkingly and goes to stand between Jensen’s legs. He tucks his thumb in one of Jensen’s belt loops and leans in to taste the beer on Jensen’s tongue. 

Jensen hums into the kiss. He slips his hand under Jared’s t-shirt, fingers cool and moist from the beer bottle against his skin. Jared feels like something huge and important has shifted between them. He feels an intimacy between them that he’s never felt with _anyone_. Jensen was honest with him tonight, shared something with Jared that he’s kept mostly to himself and Jared couldn’t help responding to that, giving Jensen what he could of himself. 

Jensen puts a hand on Jared’s jaw as he breaks the kiss. “I should go,” he says. It's what they usually do, say goodnight at some point and spend the night in their respective beds. 

Impulsively, Jared mumbles a quiet "stay," curling his fingers in the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt. He doesn't make a habit of saying things like that. He usually lets Jensen take the lead. But something's changed between them tonight and Jared's holding onto it, willing to see where it's going to lead them. 

Jensen looks mildly surprised but he doesn’t hesitate. "Okay,” he says, kissing the corner of Jared’s mouth. “I left my books in the car," he says, shifting them around with an arm around Jared’s waist. "I'll go get them. I've got another two hours of work." 

Which is how they end up spread out around the coffee table, sitting at opposite ends of the couch in companionable silence. 

It's the least productive two hours of Jared's life. He's never had more difficulty concentrating. His entire body is vibrating with the reminders of what happened between them earlier. It's uncomfortable sitting and when he shifts to find a better way, it sends heat and electricity shooting up his spine. He keeps rotating his neck, his shoulders still aching from being held down. 

Eventually he gives up. He's hard, he's exhausted, he's feeling something that feels a lot like vulnerability. It's a foreign feeling. 

Jensen looks up from a stack of documents and catches Jared zoning out. "You alright?" he asks, this sweet hint of concern in the way he says it. 

"Come here?" is what comes out of Jared's mouth, this searching plea. He doesn't know what he's looking for but Jensen's suddenly too far away. Jared's always lived for being touched, taken his love and reassurance from those around him by physical affection. Right now he wants to be touching Jensen, even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, even if’s just something to hold onto when he feels like his world has been tipped on its axis in the last few hours. 

Jensen's eyes are dark, appraising. He doesn’t answer. He gets on his knees, palms on the sofa cushions and fucking _crawls_ over to Jared, sliding up over him and nudging a knee between Jared’s thighs as he pushes him back against the arm of the couch. 

His hips settle against Jared’s as he braces an arm beneath Jared’s shoulders. Jared’s waiting for Jensen to kiss him, but Jensen just stays like that, hovering above him and says quietly, eyes serious, “Are you freaking out right now?”

Jared shakes his head automatically. He’s _not_. He just has a lot racing through his brain and it’s a lot to process when his body’s a walking reminder that Jared was introduced to a whole new world of possibilities. 

“No,” Jared says, holding Jensen’s gaze. “I’m just thinking.” 

“Okay,” Jensen agrees. He wraps his fingers around Jared’s neck and strokes Jared’s jaw. “What are you thinking about?” he says for the second time tonight. 

He doesn’t know how to say what he wants. He’s never been afraid to speak his mind or stand up for himself, but there’s a level of embarrassment and an aspect of the unknown. “I want to do more -” he hesitates, trying to find the right words. “More of _that_ ,” he settles on, “with you.” 

Jensen doesn’t look all that surprised, but he does look interested. Turned on is the right phrase. Jensen looks turned on right now, looking down at Jared with dark eyes and a set to his jaw that Jared likes. 

“Tell me,” Jensen urges. He knows how to get Jared to relax - he doesn’t stop stroking Jared’s skin, keeps up a steady rhythm for Jared to focus on. 

"I liked it," Jared says a little helplessly. He doesn't know what else to _say_. It's not enough. What he wants is whatever Jensen wants to show him. He wants to know what Jensen likes. He wants to know what it means to have the dominant/submissive undertones in a relationship. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to keep from looking away. "I liked being held down," he says. "I liked the way you took control." His breathing is uneven now and he's trying like hell to keep from pushing his hips up to rub against Jensen's. 

"I want to know more," he admits. "To know what else there is." 

"Jesus," Jensen says on a breath, like Jared's just shattered him. He sinks down, forehead knocking into Jared's and just stays there like that, like he's trying to get himself together. 

"You keep shocking the hell out of me," Jensen says, his own admission. 

"Jensen," Jared says then, giving into his curiosity, "tell me what _you_ like. When you do - when you 'play.'"

He feels Jensen take a slow, shuddering breath. He picks his head back up and looks down at Jared. "I like what I did to you," he says hoarsely, "holding you down and making you take me." 

Jared can't help it, he groans and pushes his hips up against Jensen's, looking for whatever friction he can get. 

"In general, I like restraining someone." His tone's gone conversational though there's a strain in his voice and he's started rocking his hips in little circles that make Jared arch up for more. "I like cuffs. I like a little breathplay. I was always into spanking and," he says, his breath catching in his chest, "I always came hardest making someone choke on my cock." 

_Shit._ Jared didn't realize he could be so into dirty talk, but he's hard and shaking from Jensen's words, from the images being presented to him. 

“Do you -” Jared cuts himself off. His mouth is dry and the words get caught in his throat. “Do you want to do those things with me?” Jared’s asking because he wants it, because he’s realized there are things he could want that he didn’t understand. 

Jensen answers by reaching between them to grab Jared’s forearms. He pushes them over Jared’s head, rears up to brace his weight on Jared as he rocks his hips _hard_. “What do you think?” he whispers all filthy, his breath hot on Jared’s cheek. 

“Oh shit, _please_ ,” Jared begs. This is some out of body experience he’s having, this kind of thing never happens in real life, to good Texas boys. But it’s happening now with someone who _wants_ him like Jared’s never been wanted before. It’s a lot to take in. 

“Tell me what you want,” Jensen tells him and there it is, that tone from before, that unmistakable command. It sends Jared into a fucking frenzy, struggling to get his thighs open, to push up and get some kind of pressure on his cock. 

“You,” Jared says helplessly, the only thing he knows for sure. He wants this, he wants _Jensen_ , whatever Jensen is willing to give him. It’s a fucking terrifying realization. 

Jensen sits back abruptly, kneeling between Jared’s thighs. “Show me how hard you are for this,” he says roughly. 

“Go on,” Jensen says, a little more gently this time. This is Jared’s out, he realizes. This is Jensen saying it’s okay if Jared wants to back out now. 

Fuck that. Jared pushes his sweats and briefs down his hips in one go and hisses as his cock springs free. It’s obscene, lying here like this as Jensen watches. Jared can see how hard Jensen is, though, and that’s a reassurance. The head of his cock is poking up out of the waist of his sweats and Jared’s mouth waters with wanting to taste it, to suck at it and make Jensen show him how he likes it when he’s not holding anything back. 

“Show me how you get yourself off, Jared,” Jensen tells him. “Show me what you look like when you’re alone.” 

It hits Jared where they are. That they’re doing this here, right here on this grimy old sofa, where he and Chad have spent too many hours getting drunk and hanging out. He realizes how hot the idea of it is, that Chad could decide to come down at any second and he’d catch them like this. 

This will be the third time he’s come tonight. It would make sense if it took a while to get off but Jared’s worried it might happen too soon. He’s so turned on just the air on his dick has him sweating. His face is hot, this embarrassment under his skin that’s kind of heady and addicting. He’s watching Jensen because he’s helpless, couldn’t tear his eyes away if he tried. He wraps his palm around his dick and goes slow, strokes himself from the base to the tip. 

_This is so hot_ , is all Jared can think right now, Jensen sitting there just watching him, telling him what to do. He jerks himself off, gets right into it and works his dick. 

“Stop,” Jensen says abruptly, the command clear in his voice. 

Jared’s breath catches, groaning, but he does. 

“Good, that’s good, Jared,” Jensen says, praising him. “You’re good for me, aren’t you Jared?” 

“Fuck,” Jared whispers, biting his lip. He nods. 

“Touch yourself,” Jensen says, “go slow. You get to come when I say you can.” He feels the words hit him with a force that knocks the breath out of him. Fuck, the way Jensen sounds when he’s like this, commanding, in control. It makes Jared so hot his cock is wet and leaking just from Jensen’s words, from Jensen watching him. 

Jensen’s stroking his own dick as he talks. “Do you understand, Jared?” 

Jared swallows. His fingers are slick with his pre-come and if Jensen drags this out too long Jared’s going to fall apart. He nods again. 

“Say it,” Jensen says, an edge to his tone. It’s an amazing image, Jensen sitting on his knees with his cock out, watching Jared with dark eyes and commanding Jared to do as he says. 

“Yes,” Jared moans a little breathlessly, “I understand.” 

“Go on, Jared,” Jensen says, his own breathing uneven and rapid. “You can come.” 

Jared lets out a breath in relief and speeds his hand up on his cock. He can’t tear his eyes from Jensen’s, from the heat in the way he’s looking at him. That’s all it takes, a few strokes and Jensen watching him and Jared comes with a sharp cry, spilling over his fist. 

“Fuck,” Jensen breathes, eyes falling shut as he hunches in on himself, hand speeding up on his cock. He comes watching Jared, teeth in his lip like he’s trying not to make a sound. 

“Shit,” Jensen says, wiping his hand on his pant leg. He looks stunned, like he can’t believe that just happened. “Maybe that should be the last time we try to study together,” he says, still breathing hard. 

Jared can’t help it, he laughs out loud. “Maybe,” he agrees, pressing his hand to his face. He feels a little delirious with exhaustion and the emotions of the day. “I’m ready for bed,” he admits. 

He lifts his hips up off the sofa to yank his sweats back into place and sits up. He aches all over. 

“Hey.” Jensen catches Jared with an arm around his waist as they stand. “Did you like that?” His eyes are serious, his tone quiet. 

Jared gives Jensen a fast kiss. “Yes.” 

“Good,” Jensen says, responding with a kiss of his own. “Let’s go sleep,” he mumbles around a yawn and lets Jared lead the way upstairs. 

In the bathroom, Jared finds Jensen an extra toothbrush still in the package and it’s ridiculously cozy, standing there with him, hip to hip. They both reek of come and they look as strung out and exhausted as Jared feels. 

In Jared’s room, they open a couple of windows because it still smells like sex. 

It takes a little creativity, fitting them both in Jared’s bed. “Come here,” Jensen says with a tired smile, rolling Jared over and tangling their legs together. Jared tastes the toothpaste on Jensen’s tongue when Jensen gives him a slow, searching kiss. 

Jared falls asleep like that, wrapped up in Jensen, thinking it doesn’t feel nearly as weird as he thought it would. 

 

* * * 

 

Jared has weird, restless dreams, fevered almost. He wakes up sometime before dawn, sweating and breathing hard. He can’t remember the details, just the way they made him feel. He’s achingly hard, skin damp, body overheated. Beside him, Jensen’s asleep, their legs tangled together. 

Jared thinks about it for split second before he’s kicking the sheets to the foot of the bed, arching to get his underwear pushed around his thighs. Jensen’s a heavy sleeper and Jared is too hard to think clearly, all the blood in his cock. 

He dreamt about Jensen, not for the first time, though this time the dreams were about dark, sexy things. His body’s still shaking, his skin overheated from the memory of those images. The details are fuzzy but the way they made him feel are sharp and heady.

He hisses and bites his lip when he wraps his hand around himself. He’s leaking pre-come everywhere and it makes the slide of his palm easier. 

He yanks his underwear off, gets himself off quick and efficiently and uses them to catch the come. He falls back to sleep still breathing hard, burrowing himself in against Jensen. 

He wakes up an hour later to his alarm blaring the grating voices of a morning show. Jensen’s grumbling and reaching out to slap at the radio before Jared’s even really awake. 

This is only the second time they’ve done this, woken up together in Jared’s bed. It’s not that often they spend the night together but when they do it’s at Jensen’s place in his enormous bed and his quiet apartment without the risk of Chad barging in or yelling rude comments from his room. 

Jensen rolls into Jared and presses his face to Jared’s throat, mumbling a sleep rough “‘morning.” 

Jared reaches his arms up over his head, stretching. He’s sore everywhere, in places he didn’t know it was possible. His shoulders especially ache. He’s never felt so amazingly well laid. 

He feels Jensen go completely, startlingly still, tensing up. Before Jared can react, Jensen’s sitting up and reaching for Jared’s arm, more forcefully than Jared’s expecting. 

Jared hisses when Jensen’s fingers wrap around his wrist, bringing to his attention the ring of bruises on his skin, a blur of color that makes the heat rush to Jared’s cock. 

“Shit, Jared,” Jensen groans, turning Jared’s palm over and tracing the marks with his thumb. That’s like a jolt of electricity through Jared’s blood, little nerves shooting off like sparks. 

“Fuck,” Jared breathes, holding himself still. 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen mumbles, looking stricken. “I shouldn’t have been so rough, Jared.” 

Jared doesn’t say anything. He’s trying to get his breathing under control, trying to focus on something, anything other than the way it feels to have Jensen idly stroking at nerves that seem to be directly connected to his dick. 

Jared can’t help the startled groan that rumbles out of him when Jensen ducks his head and presses his lips to the paper thin skin at Jared’s wrist. 

Jared gives in, wraps his palm around his cock, still naked. His dick is sticky from coming earlier but he’s wet at the head already, making his palm slick with it. 

“Jared,” Jensen whispers, something between realization and awe in his voice. “Fuck,” he says a little louder, “you like that?” 

“Yes,” Jared mumbles, completely needlessly. It’s painfully obvious at this point. He wraps his hand around Jensen’s neck, urging him on, trying to tell him without _telling_ him that he wants it harder, wants something he can’t name. There’s this raw pulse of need beating in his blood and his body is fucking _straining_. He’s gasping to catch his breath. 

“Okay, okay,” Jensen says under his breath, lifting his head and looking at Jared with hot eyes. “I’m going to be late,” he says but it’s breathless and full of regret. 

This is the wrong time for this, they both realize that. Jared’s thankful that Jensen’s the one to pull away and put some space between them because he’s not sure he could have. 

Jensen rolls out of bed in the sweats he borrowed from Jared. “I have to go to my place before my classes,” Jensen says apologetically. “I’ll get these back to you at sometime,” he tells Jared, gesturing to the pants hanging off his hips. 

Jared waves him off and curls his fingers in the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt, lifting his chin. Jensen takes the hint and kisses Jared. “Come over tonight?” he says into Jared’s mouth, curling his fingers around Jared’s neck. 

Jared doesn’t need a second to think about it, he nods and mumbles, “yes.” 

He feels Jensen smile against his mouth. “Okay,” Jensen agrees. “I’m going. Be good.” 

 

* * * 

Jared understands that his and Chad’s friendship doesn’t fall under the definition of ‘normal.’ They became friends when they were too young to realize boys don’t really act so physical with each other, aren’t really supposed to share every detail of their lives with one another. 

The result is a fucked up kind of codependence that makes it difficult for Jared to keep anything to himself. 

He showers after Jensen leaves and he’s barely pulled the curtain shut when the door opens and Chad lets himself in. 

Jared ignores him. Ignoring Chad is the first rule in being friends with him. Jared’s learned this time and again, always the hard way. 

He’s not even surprised when Chad pulls the curtain back and stands there in old boxers and a torn up wife beater, looking at Jared like he’s appraising an old car. It’s par for the course and Jared just turns his back and keeps soaping himself. 

“So Jensen spent the night,” Chad says finally, sitting up on the edge of the sink. “That’s pretty serious.” 

Chad’s poking at Jared, Jared sees it, but Chad isn’t wrong. It shouldn’t mean anything that Jensen fell asleep in Jared’s bed and woke up there the following morning. Jared thought he’d be more uneasy by it, but given what he’s figuring out about himself, it seems like a waste of time. 

Jared moves to grab the shampoo and doesn’t get there because Chad reaches out lightening fast and catches his wrist. 

Jared hisses and tries to pull away. It aches. Chad just digs his fingers in and doesn’t let go. 

 “Jesus,” Chad says, looking from Jared’s bruised skin up to Jared’s face. “That’s pretty kinky, JT. Didn’t know you had it in you.” 

“Yeah, well,” Jared mumbles, not the smart ass comment he’d been hoping for. He didn’t either. It’s all new and shocking as shit to him. 

Chad lets go and leans back against the counter. Jared hides under the hot spray of water. “Were you into it?” Chad asks suddenly. He’s uncharacteristically quiet and this is the Chad who worries about Jared and isn’t trying to hide it. 

Jared washes the soap out of his hair and turns to look at Chad, water streaming down his face. “Yes,” he tells him. 

Chad looks at him for a long moment, scrutinizing Jared the way he does when he’s looking for bullshit. “Okay,” Chad says. “That’s good, then. I’m into a little kinky shit myself,” he says with a wide, filthy grin and things are back to normal. 

 

* * * 

 

It’s a long day. Jared suffers through two classes, distracted by the bruises on his wrists, by the memories from last night, by the possibilities wandering through his head. 

He pulls a six hour shift at the bookstore with the intention of getting most of his homework out of the way for the weekend. He gets half of it done which isn’t bad given how frequently his brain wanders, how often he stops to touch his wrist. 

He takes a long shower, gets himself as clean as he can, and thinks about being in the shower with Jensen last night. It’s hot, the way Jensen went from being in command all toppy as shit to gently taking care of him. It makes him wonder what else they have yet to learn about each other. 

He dresses in old jeans and a button-down shirt, eats a bowl of cereal standing at the sink, and leaves a note for Chad not to expect him home. 

He’s at Jensen’s doorstep a few minutes before eight. He’s not sure what he’s feeling. Anticipation, definitely. A bundle of nerves that makes him feel like he might throw up. The last time he was this nervous was the night he showed up at Jensen’s place seven months ago and told him he wanted to give the two of them a shot. 

There’s nothing all that different between then and tonight but it feels like everything’s changed. 

Jensen opens the door at Jared’s knock. He’s in bare feet, jeans and a dark blue undershirt that makes his eyes look even more green. He’s freshly showered, hair still damp. 

“Hey,” Jensen says. His eyes go crinkled soft at the corners when he sees Jared. He tugs Jared into his apartment, shuts the door behind him and gives him a slow, searching kiss.

When he steps back, it’s to tangle his fingers in Jared’s and pull him down the dimly lit hallway towards his bedroom. Jared’s been here dozens of times but it’s different now. It feels like the beginning all over again. 

The room is cast in a warm glow from the lamps at either side of the bed, filling the space with a sort of intimacy. 

Jensen lets go of Jared’s hand and sprawls out on the bed. “Come here with me.” He pats the space beside him. Like this, he looks nothing like the popular porn star Jared first had sex with. He looks like Jensen, like his boyfriend, who’s maybe just as nervous as Jared. 

That’s enough for Jared, he realizes. That this is a big deal for Jensen, too, this trust between them that they’re discovering. That’s all he needs. He kicks out of his flip flops and climbs up on the bed, rolling to his side to face Jensen. 

Jensen curves his palm to the shape of Jared’s jaw. “We won’t do anything until you’re ready,” he says softly. “Before we start, tell me your safe word.” The last part comes out in a whisper that Jared feels against his skin. 

That aspect of this completely slipped Jared’s mind. He says the first word that comes to mind. “Volcano.” It sounds silly out loud when he says it and he thinks maybe that’s the point, something to break through and get their attention that things need to stop. 

“Okay,” Jensen agrees. “Volcano. Think about it, memorize it.” He touches Jared’s jaw, cupping his chin and tilting so Jared’s looking square at him. “If anything, _anything_ feels like it’s too much, or if there’s something you don’t like, tell me. And we’ll stop, no questions asked, no judgement. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Jared says quietly. 

“Okay. Now come here and kiss me,” Jensen says, breaking into a wide grin. Jared smiles back and lets Jensen push him back against the pillows. He tilts his chin up for Jensen and huffs when Jensen licks at his lips, pushes his tongue in and kisses Jared as thoroughly as Jared’s ever been kissed in his life. 

Jared is a physically affectionate person. He’s always expressed his feelings through touch. Kissing might be his favorite thing though, heated, intense kissing, slow making out, the post-orgasmic press of lips. 

At some point in the last seven months, Jensen has figured that out about Jared and now he’s using it against him, kissing him all leisurely and methodically, melting Jared’s nerves and reducing him to a lethargic mess. 

Jared palms Jensen’s hips, slips his fingertips underneath Jensen’s t-shirt and strokes at his skin. This is good. Jensen knows what he’s doing, working Jared up. 

They make out like that for a long while, long enough that Jared’s almost forgotten that this wasn’t the point of tonight. He feels it when the shift happens. Jensen goes into that place he occupied last night. He pushes his hand into Jared’s hair, curls his fingers and tugs enough to break the kiss, Jared’s head falling back against the pillows. 

“Pay attention,” he says in that same low, commanding voice. His eyes are dark, glinting in the low light. “If you’re good for me,” Jensen tells him, cupping Jared’s jaw with a firm grip and holding eye contact, “and do as I say, I’ll let you come.” Jared swallows hard but doesn’t move. “Disobey me,” Jensen’s voice dips lower, “and I’ll have to punish you.” 

Jesus, Jensen is so fucking hot like this. Jared still can’t believe this is _his_ boyfriend. 

“Tell me you understand,” Jensen says forcefully. He tightens his grip on Jared’s jaw. 

_Fuck_. “Yes,” Jared mumbles, “I understand.” 

“Good.” Jensen lets go of Jared and stands abruptly, pulling Jared with him. 

“Get undressed,” he instructs. He takes a seat opposite the bed, sitting low in the chair with his thighs spread, looking hungry and slightly predatory. Jared wants to climb him, straddle his legs and beg Jensen to fuck him. 

Jared works at the buttons of his shirt, gets it open and pushes it off. Jensen’s watching him with this calm, unreadable expression on his face but it’s impossible to miss the heat in his eyes. It makes Jared feel flushed all over. It’s that look from last night, that feeling that Jensen can’t get enough of Jared, wants whatever Jared’s willing to give him. 

Jared isn’t shy but he’s never been into showing off his body. It’s not second nature to stand there and put on a show, even if it is for Jensen. But there’s something about being watched by someone who wants him the way Jensen does that gets him going, works him up to want to make it good. 

He thumbs open his jeans and kicks them to the floor. He’s standing there in his cotton briefs, his cock plainly outlined against the thin material, hard and obscene. He slips his fingers in the waistband of his underwear and slides them down his hips, his cock springing free, the wet tip slapping against his stomach. 

Jared stands there completely, starkly naked, waiting for Jensen to tell him what to do. But Jensen's just watching him, taking him in like he’s memorizing every line of Jared’s body. Jared doesn’t mind, it gives him an excuse to watch Jensen. He can see that Jensen’s hard, his cock an obvious shape against the front of his jeans. Jensen’s lips are pink and bruised from kissing and there’s a sheen of sweat at his hairline. Fuck but Jared likes having this effect on Jensen. 

Jared’s startled out of the quiet when Jensen tells him, “get on your knees.”

Jared does as he’s told, falls right to the floor trying to hide how eager he is. He swears his mouth is watering with the anticipation of having Jensen’s dick. Jared kneels there on the carpet in front of the bed and watches as Jensen works his jeans open. 

“Put your hands behind your back,” Jensen says. 

_Yes, please_ , Jared thinks a little breathlessly. The memory of last night, of being unable to move, to touch himself, is still hot in his mind, still makes him ache. He fits his fingers together behind his back. 

Jensen gets to his feet then and moves with deliberate intent. His fingers work at the zipper on his jeans, get the fly open and push his cock out through his underwear. And there it is, Jensen’s cock hard and red, wet at the head. 

"You don't get to touch," Jensen instructs. “Keep your hands behind your back.” His cock is right _there_ and Jared can feel the heat coming from him, can smell him all soap and that familiar scent that’s all Jensen. 

Jensen wraps his hand around the base of his cock and nudges the head against Jared's lips. Jared tries not to moan but he can't quite help it, not when Jensen slides his hand into Jared's hair, palming the crown of his head and holding him stock still as he drags his cock over Jared's mouth, his chin, his cheek, painting Jared's skin with pre-come. 

It's so fucking hot, Jared being unable to touch Jensen, unable to move, the sting of his scalp when Jensen's fingers curl and pull, helping him focus. Jared just kneels there, lips closed, letting Jensen rub his dick over his face. 

When Jared's about to open his mouth and fucking beg Jensen to let him suck his dick, Jensen tightens his hand without warning, pulling Jared's head back, making Jared moan. 

"I'm going to fuck your mouth," Jensen tells him. It’s like a jolt of electricity shooting through him, the words hitting him hot deep in his gut. Jensen’s never rough like this with him, not before last night, and Jared is so ready for Jensen to follow through. 

Jared tries to stop it, he really does, but he lets out a needy little “please” like he has no control over it. 

Jared can see a flicker of surprised pleasure in Jensen's eyes. It makes Jared want to do what he can to see it again, to keep Jensen looking at him like that.

Jared's mouth is wet; he's drooling for it when Jensen pushes in. It’s heavy on his tongue, the shape filling his mouth and making him hard enough to hurt. He sucks at the head like he's starving. Jensen’s leaking salty pre-come on his tongue and Jared’s fucking salivating for it, this baser side of him unleashed and blindsiding the hell out of him. Jared swallows the taste and wants more. 

Jensen curls his fingers Jared’s hair, his grip tight and unrelenting. He pulls hard and pushes his hips. It's too much without warning, his dick pushing at the back of Jared's throat. There’s this blinding, terrifying second where he can’t breathe, he’s gagging and choking as he tries to pull back. It’s thrilling in the fear of it. Jared’s eyes are watering. 

Jensen eases up slightly, hips pulling back enough that his cock rests on Jared's tongue. "We'll practice that," Jensen promises, "and you _will_ learn to deep throat, and learn to be good at it." He keeps his hand steady on Jared's head and thrusts shallowly. The words are like a fist on his dick. Fuck but he’s getting off on the dirtiest shit right now. 

"For now, I'm going to fuck your face.” It’s conversational, like Jensen’s commenting on the weather, but Jared knows better. It’s written all over his face how hot this is getting him, how hot they both are for this. 

Jared keeps his eyes open on Jensen’s as Jensen tightens his grip in Jared’s hair and brings him froward, pushing in and making good on his word as he fucks shallowly at Jared’s face. Jared’s mouth is sloppy wet, full of his own spit and Jensen’s pre-come, getting Jensen slobbery with it. The image of what he must look like slams into his brain and he groans around Jensen’s dick. The idea of being so on display for Jensen makes him want to come all over himself. 

He’s painfully hard. He knows the second he gets any kind of friction he's going to come like a shotgun. His palms itch to touch himself, and it's kind of making him crazy, it's making him that much harder that he can't, that he's not allowed. 

Jesus, this whole thing is so filthy hot. If he never has sex again he’ll have a lifetime’s worth of masturbation material after this. 

Jared's jaw is starting to ache. Jensen's got a tight reign on his control, though Jared doesn’t know where the hell it’s coming from. He can feel it when it starts to slip, when the facade cracks and Jensen’s close. Jared’s mouth is sore, his lips tender feeling and but he’ll keep going to taste Jensen’s come, if Jensen gives it to him. 

Jensen pulls all the way out. Jared tries to follow him, this compulsion to get him back in his mouth taking over. He’s missing the feel of being full of Jensen, the taste and pressure of it. Jensen's still got his fingers tangled in Jared's hair and he's stroking himself, the head of his dick resting in Jared's open mouth. 

"Don't swallow," is the only warning Jared gets, a low, gruff command before Jensen comes, hot and sticky pulses landing on Jared’s tongue. Jensen shakes and shudders through it, the sexiest noises coming up out of him like he can’t reign them in. 

Jared barely resists the impulse to swallow, to take Jensen’s come down his throat. Jensen tilts Jared’s head back, fingers on his chin, and says, “show me.” 

"Good," Jensen praises. He dips his thumb into Jared's mouth, strokes it across his tongue and fuck if that isn’t the filthiest thing ever. Jared fucking deserves a medal, he thinks, for just sitting there on his knees with his cock bobbing against his belly when what he wants is to come hard enough he remembers it tomorrow. 

Jensen’s thumb is still in Jared’s mouth when he tells Jared to “swallow.” Jared does, closes his lips around Jensen’s thumb, sucks at it a little because he can’t help it, and swallows all of Jensen’s come. 

Jensen gets to his knees in front of Jared. He swipes his fingers across Jared’s wet, swollen mouth and leans in to kiss him like he’s learning the shape, the taste, the feel. 

“Get on the bed,” Jensen tells him but his voice has gone whiskey rough at the edges, frayed. Not quite as controlled as before. It hits Jared hard and low, the electric current in the room, the intensity between them. He takes a breath meant to steady him and gets to his feet. It’s awkward with his hands still clasped behind his back and his dick achingly, painfully hard and sticking straight out all obscene. 

Jared puts a knee on the bed, gets his other up and sits back on his haunches, arms still behind him. 

Jensen stands at the edge of the mattress. “You are so good,” he hums and gives Jared a soft, fleeting kiss. “You can lie down on your back, Jared.” 

Jared leans back against the pile of pillows and waits for whatever’s coming, sinking into the mattress and watching Jensen undress. He does it quickly, shucks out of his jeans with an efficiency that’s hot as hell. When he’s completely naked he kneels beside Jared, fingers gentle at his hip when he says, “put your arms over your head, Jared. Hands on the headboard.” He strokes his thumb over Jared’s flushed skin. “Don’t let go.” 

Jared stretches his arms up to wrap his fingers around the cool wood of Jensen’s headboard. Jensen settles between his thighs and without ceremony his legs and pushes Jared's knees to his chest. 

_Oh shit,_ is what Jared tries to say but it's stuck in his chest and what comes out is the neediest fucking sound he's ever made. 

This might be his favorite thing in the world but he doesn't get it often because he doesn't know how to ask for it, how to beg Jensen to fuck him with his tongue. But apparently Jensen knows him better than he thought because he's spreading Jared open and pressing his face there like he _knows_ how bad Jared wants it. He presses his tongue flat and drags it over Jared's hole all wet and fucking dirty.

“Oh god, oh fuck,” Jared babbles. He digs his fingers into the headboard to have something to focus on, steadying him when what he wants is to grab Jensen’s head and hold him there until he comes. 

Jensen’s licking at Jared’s hole like it’s the only thing in the world he wants to be doing. He shifts to settle in and pushes his tongue at the tight pucker, jabbing at it until Jared’s just fucking writhing on the bed, panting and trying to fuck his ass on Jensen’s tongue. 

Jared’s thighs shake, his body vibrating when Jensen hums. “You can come,” he says, moving his mouth away and looking up at Jared. His eyelashes are dark smudges against his flushed cheeks, his hair all sweat damp and matted. He looks fucking debauched and gorgeous as hell. “You can come like this. If you can’t come like this, then you don’t. Is that clear?” 

Jared tries to say yes, tries to nod but he's so strung out and on edge that nothing’s working right. It’s still registering, what it’s like to have Jensen talking to him all dirty like it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

Jensen shocks the hell out of Jared, using his open palm to smack Jared hard, right on the curve of his ass where it's exposed so obscenely. 

Jared bites tongue and swears, shaking from the effort it takes to keep from coming just from Jensen slapping him. 

"I said is that clear Jared?" Jensen’s tone is dangerous and low and Jared just nods, groaning. “Yes,” he mumbles, “yes, please.” 

Jensen hums in unmistakeable approval, pleasure in his smile as he rubs soothing fingertips over the sore flesh of Jared’s ass. 

Jensen ducks his head back down and pushes his tongue back in, licking at Jared for all he’s worth. Jared doesn't know if it's actually going to happen. It’s hot and fuck, he’s never been more ready to blow his load, but he's never come without a hand or _something_ on his dick. He doesn't want to ruin this, the fucking hottest experience of his life, by disobeying Jensen, but he just doesn't think he can get there without some kind of friction against his cock. 

He's proven so painfully wrong when Jensen pushes the tip of his finger inside Jared, crooking it just slightly and licking at the skin stretching around it. Jared hangs on the edge, waiting to break apart. He's got Jensen's tongue working him open, his finger stroking him from the inside, massaging him and Jared goes completely blank as he comes so hard he convulses, fingers clenched around the head board, muscles in his shoulders crying out at the strain. 

“Jesus,” Jared says, “fuck me.” He’s staring at the ceiling, panting, pulling air into his lungs as fast as he can. He can’t be sure but he thinks he might still be hard. 

He feels Jensen’s laugh against his skin and the warmth of that spreads out from his fingertips, moves through his veins and settles in his belly. Jensen’s smiling against Jared’s skin as he moves up the bed to hover over Jared. 

Jensen wraps his fingers around one of Jared’s wrists, gently pulls his hand away from the bed. He does the same with the other and carefully brings Jared’s arms down. Jared lets out a quiet groan as his muscles protest. 

Jensen bends his head. The first kiss is just a gentle, chaste brush of his lips against Jared’s. The second is a little deeper, searching and by the time Jensen's worked his way into Jared's mouth, Jared's got his arms wrapped around Jensen's upper back and he's clinging to him, kissing back with everything he’s felt in the last twenty-four hours. 

_Oh,_ , he thinks a little later, all sleep soft and hazy, this is his reward. This is Jensen's way of taking care of him. He doesn’t know if there’s anything he likes more than this. Jensen’s palm on his cheek, fingers of his other hand playing in Jensen’s sweat damp hair. Jensen kisses him, reduces him to a purring mess. 

Jensen rolls off Jared, settles instead beside him, both of them shifting until they’re facing each other with their legs tangled together. 

Jensen doesn’t stop touching him. He curves his hand around Jensen’s wrist and rubs his thumb in gentle circles over Jared’s purple skin. He reaches out to brush Jared’s hair out of his eyes. He rests his palm on Jared’s chest where Jared’s sure he can feel his heartbeat. 

“How do you feel?” Jensen asks. He slips his hand beneath Jared’s head, curves his palm around Jensen’s neck and just strokes him at his hairline. 

"Mmm,” Jared says with a flirty grin. He arches a little into Jensen’s touch and stretches, feels the ache of his body and shivers a little in how good it feels. 

Jensen grins. He presses his face to Jared’s throat and Jared can feel him laughing, this sweet sound that Jared won’t ever get enough of. He loves the feel of this, he realizes, this intimacy of the aftermath. 

Jensen catches his breath and lifts his head, looking down at Jared. “Jared,” he says in a low, quiet voice that Jared takes seriously. "If we ever do anything you don't like, you have to tell me, even if it's not something you safe worded for." 

Jared gets that this is a sticking point for Jensen. "I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I need you to tell me." 

Jensen’s earnest like Jared’s never seen him before, written all over his face the way he feels. It makes Jared’s throat feel tight, the way Jensen’s looking at him, like Jared’s a gift Jensen wasn’t expecting. 

"I liked all of it," Jared admits. Maybe he’s a little overwhelmed right now by everything rushing through him. But he thinks it’s okay, so much has happened in the last day twenty-four hours that have shifted the dynamics of their relationship. He’s still trying to catch up. 

“Good. Don’t be shy about asking for what you want, either.” Jensen kisses his mouth open. “I get off when you’re getting off, Jared,” he mumbles into Jared’s skin. He lifts his head and looks at Jared. “That’s what it’s about for me, okay?” 

Jared feels this funny flutter in his stomach that’s only started recently, that only Jensen brings out of him. Jensen is a _good_ guy. Jared knows it, he believes it, and he's a little terrified of how much he _trusts_ him. Jared thinks this is the scariest thing that's ever happened to him. If he's going into this, he's glad to be going into it with Jensen. 

Jensen gets to his feet and reaches for Jared, helping him stand on shaking knees. He palms Jared’s hips. “Come shower with me,” he mumbles with a kiss to Jared’s throat. Jared barely hears Jensen’s murmured “let me take care of you.” 

It’s that falling feeling intensified when Jensen says things like that, these sweetly honest things that Jared still doesn’t expect. 

Jensen drags Jared into the shower, heat and steam filling the tiny bathroom. Jensen's hands are everywhere, touching every inch of him. They stand under the spray with Jared clinging to Jensen, arms around him as Jensen strokes his hands down Jared's back. 

"Turn around," Jensen tells him quietly. Jared does, turning against the shower tiles, letting the hot water fall over him, easing the ache in his muscles. He rests his cheek against the wall, eyes closed, body thrumming as Jensen takes care of him. He soaps him up, rubs his hands over all of Jared. 

When Jensen gets to his knees, Jared holds his breath. He's exhausted, ready to go to bed and sleep through the weekend, schoolwork be damned. Despite all that, he wouldn't say no to a second round, if he could find the energy. 

But Jensen just soaps his knees, his ankles, his feet, cleaning him and taking reverent care of him. Jared’s throat is tight, his heart hammering long after they get out of the shower. 

It’s like last night flipped as Jensen hands him a pair of old pajama pants and a wrinkled old tank top. This is a different level for Jared and he’s feeling vulnerable in a way he hadn’t felt earlier. 

Jensen’s perceptive to a fault sometimes but Jared’s thankful for it now when he wordlessly pulls Jared in against him. 

“It’s okay,” Jensen whispers, the words tucked in against Jared’s skin. “If you’re freaking out right now, it’s okay.” 

“Maybe a little,” Jared admits, “not in a bad way.” It’s just been the most emotional, intense thirty-six hours of his life and he’s trying frantically to catch up. 

They crawl into bed, finding a way that’s comfortable for both of them. Jared closes his eyes and listens to the breaths Jensen takes as he curves his hand around Jared’s neck, something possessive and comforting in it. 

He falls asleep with Jensen’s fingers in his hair, his thumb rubbing at the nape of his neck. 

 

* * * 

 

It's not the first time Jared's woken up at Jensen's but it feels different this time.

There's gritty, rain soaked light throwing shadows around the room and the reassuring rhythm of the rain against the windows. Jared feels content down all the way in his bones. 

Jensen's asleep on his front, beautiful in all his naked glory. He's got freckles on his shoulders that Jared's tongue itches to taste, twin dimples at the base of his spine that Jared wants to press his fingers to. 

"Are you watching me sleep?" Jensen mumbles, his voice all sleep rough. 

Jared presses his grin to Jensen's shoulder blade. "Maybe," he agrees with a laugh. He feels stupidly giddy and he can't even find the effort to hide it. 

Jensen pries one eye open and squints at Jared. It's adorable with Jensen's hair flat and falling across his forehead and his cheeks pink from sleep. 

“I have so much work to do,” Jared says apologetically. It’s stressing him out a little, how much he has to get done before Monday, two days to do it and no desire for any of it. What he wants is to spend every second with Jensen, learning everything Jensen wants to teach him. 

“I’ll make you breakfast before you have to go,” Jensen says to him, rolling to his feet. “I’m good at eggs.” 

Jared pulls on his day-old clothes, finds his shoes at the foot of the bed and tries not to think too hard about last night. If he lets himself do that he’ll spend the rest of the day caught up in replaying every second between them. 

Jensen’s kitchen is narrow, full of light. Jensen pulls out a carton of eggs, a loaf of bread and directs Jared to the coffee machine. 

“You might have to walk me through this,” Jared admits, staring at it and feeling confused. It’s not like any coffee pot he’s ever seen. 

He feels Jensen come up behind him. He’s all heat and that sweaty-soapy scent Jared loves. Jensen's fingers are warm when they slip under his t-shirt, curling around his hip.

"You feel good," he hums. He presses a kiss to the back of Jared's neck and Jared swears his knees buckle. 

"Ungh, fuck," Jared groans. Jensen's laugh vibrates through him. Jensen threads an arm around his waist and just holds on. 

“Forget the coffee,” Jensen says and Jared can hear the smile in his voice. 

They never make it to the eggs and Jared doesn’t end up leaving for his place until another two hours have passed. 

“Would it be greedy if I asked you to come over tonight?” Jensen says when they’re climbing out of the shower. He wraps a towel around his hips and gives Jared his raised eyebrows when Jared follows the water sliding down his chest. 

“Maybe,” Jared says like he’s thinking it over. He’s developing an unhealthy obsession with the way Jensen’s waist tapers and the cut of his hip bones. 

His face is flushed hot when he looks up. “What time?” he says in a voice that doesn’t sound like his own. 

Jensen laughs. 

 

* * *

 

Chad has a life. Jared has witnessed it first hand. So there's absolutely no reason for him to be sitting at the kitchen table when Jared comes in a little after eleven am. Technically it's a walk of shame, Jared's still in last night's clothes, but given he was with his boyfriend, Jared thinks he should be forgiven. 

Chad's not even wasting time on pretenses. He's sitting with his feet propped up on a chair, scrolling through his phone. He looks up when Jared walks in. 

"You're a little late," he says, scowling. He gives Jared the once over and Jared has the unwelcome feeling of being chastised by a parent. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you were expecting me,” Jared says as he shuts the door behind him. For all the shit they give each other, Jared has to admit (if only to himself) that he sort of likes it when Chad gives him the overprotective routine. It’s nice to be worried about, maybe even better when it’s Chad doing the worrying. 

“How is Jensen?” Chad folds his arms across his chest. Jared half expects him to be tapping his feet impatiently. 

“Jensen is good,” Jared says, answering the question Chad asked and not the unspoken “how are _you_.”

Jared can see all the unsaid things in Chad’s eyes. He doesn’t know what Chad’s expecting of him and he’s not sure he wants to talk about this with his best friend. 

Chad gets to his feet abruptly, the chair he was in tumbling to the cracked linoleum. “I’ll spare us the touchy-feely shit and say this just once,” he says, putting a hand on Jared’s arm. “I’m here if you want to talk.” 

Jared bites back his smile. Sometimes it all makes sense, this weird friendship. “I appreciate that,” Jared says just as sincerely. And then, “if I ever need to talk about my foray into kinky sex, I will come to you.” 

Chad beams. “I’ll be waiting.” 

Jared settles into a tedious afternoon of reading and homework, spreading his books and notes out in the living room. His body is a foreign mess of aches and bruises, a delicious distraction that makes concentrating on Dostoevsky difficult. 

With all the single mindedness of the guy who was number three in his graduating high school class, Jared works until three, switching from one subject to the next. 

He’s got all this pent-up energy, all these new emotions he doesn’t know how to process. He does what he knows works for him, changing into shorts and a t-shirt and lacing up his Nikes. 

He finds a pair of old sweat bands shoved at the bottom of his dresser and pulls them on over his wrists, hiding the marks on his skin. 

The guys he plays ball with are his friends, but he doesn’t feel like answering questions about this. Not today and probably not for a while, if he ever gets there. 

There’s always a pick up game down at the gym and Jared gets right in it, shoving and pushing and running until he’s sweat soaked and breathing hard. It’s the best, most basic kind of distraction and it does the trick enough that he’s refocused when he gets back home an hour later. 

He showers and does the basic chores he’s been neglecting. He changes the sheets on his bed, does a load of laundry, goes through the fridge and tosses the shit that’s long past expired. 

When he leaves for Jensen’s a few hours later, he feels like he’s on even footing again. 

It lasts for the better part of an hour and then Jared’s completely naked in Jensen’s bed, feeling like he’s falling apart. 

“Let me do something for you,” Jensen says gently, touching Jared’s hip.

“Okay,” Jared agrees on a breath. Jared doesn’t know what’s coming but the realization that it doesn’t matter, that he _trusts_ Jensen, is what calms him. 

“Close your eyes for me, Jared,” Jensen says, slipping into that tone of voice that Jared’s growing familiar with, the one that means Jensen’s in control. 

There's a dip in the mattress as Jensen reaches for one of Jared's hands. He's gentle as he guides Jared's arm up over his head and reaches for the other. There's something soft at his wrists. “Oh please,” Jared breathes, his body going rigid with arousal. Jensen’s binding his wrists in something that’s silky against his skin. Fuck, this is not going to last long. This is Jared’s bulletproof _thing_ and he’s going to get it from Jensen. 

"That's right," Jensen says, all soothing and conversational. He weaves the material around Jared’s wrists Jared’s skin is tender and sore and every nerve of his body is centered there. Jensen does it slowly, methodically, like a ritual. Jared is exhausted through to his bones, it’s been a day and a half of emotional, physical overload, but there he is being tied to Jensen’s bed and his dick painfully hard. 

Jared’s hyper aware of the sounds around him, of the movements Jensen makes. He feels it when Jensen moves to reach across Jared for something. 

There isn’t any warning, just Jensen’s hand on his thigh, pushing his legs apart and then Jared’s face goes hot as he realizes there’s something playing at his hole. It’s rounded, whatever it is, blunt at the tip. It feels foreign but Jared can feel that familiar ache to be filled, to be fucked despite the tenderness there. 

Jared can’t help it but he’s realized how fucking needy he is for things at his ass. His thighs fall open automatically, hips coming up off the bed. He wants it. 

He can hear Jensen's soft laughter, amused. "Mm, I love how badly you want it," he hums, teasing the object at Jared's ass. It's not enough pressure to push in, just a slow press so Jared can get used to whatever it is. 

"A plug, Jared," Jensen tells him. Jared knows vaguely what it is, but he's never seen one, never had one used on him. Jensen goes slow as he opens Jared up with it, slides the slicked up tip into Jared. It's not very big, but it gets wider as it pushes past the first part. Jensen slides it in until Jared can feel it stop, some wider part catching. Oh, the plug part, Jared thinks wryly, he's being plugged. 

He doesn't know what to make of it. He feels full, but not in the way he wants, it's just a tease of the fucking he’s after, nothing wide enough or deep enough to give him what he's aching for. 

He makes a low grumbling sound and shifts his hips, spreading his thighs and trying to get some kind of relief from it. He knows he must look terribly needy like this but fuck, his cock is so hard and he's aching to get fucked and this is just some terrible kind of tease. 

"I know," Jensen hums sympathetically. He's still at Jared's side. He runs a fingertip up the inside of Jared's thigh. Jared moans as Jensen traces around the plug, pushes a finger past the wide base and touches the rim of Jared's hole. "I know you want it. You'll get it." 

But then he's gone, mattress moving again and Jared realizes he's gone. There's a rustling sound and Jared has a brief second to wonder before Jensen's back. And completely fucking naked, Jared realizes with a rush. Jensen's settling over Jared; straddling his chest, naked ass, naked thighs, hard cock brushing at Jared's chin. 

"I promised you a lesson," Jensen tells him, low and controlled. Jared's mind reels frantically, trying to grasp onto the details. Lesson, lesson - oh fuck, Jared bucks a little, tries to rut his hips down, clench his ass around the plug, get some kind of friction. 

"That's right, you remember," Jensen tells him, stroking his fingers through Jared's hair. Jared feels Jensen's cock at his mouth, just brushing at his lips. He's salivating for it as opens his mouth to get it. 

Jensen starts slow, just a shallow thrust of his hips, letting Jared get used to it, working up to it. Jared focuses on breathing through his nose. He wants it, but there's that thrilling fear resting just beneath the surface. He trusts Jensen, he does, but it's the fear too that makes it so hot. He’s so fucking hard he can feel it down in his toes. 

The first slow push all the way in, nudging at the back of his throat, makes Jared's eyes water. He's sweating for this, trying to get at it but it's impossible to move, restrained like he is. 

"Relax your throat," Jensen tells him, and it's all the warning he gets before Jensen is pushing past the resistance and nudging. Jared tries so hard to be good for this but he gags, chokes on Jensen's cock, sputtering, eyes tearing up. 

Jensen withdraws all the way, pets his hands over Jared's hair. His thumb swipes at the corner of Jared's eye, slides down to cup his jaw. "Good, you're doing so good, Jared." He strokes at the corner of Jared's mouth, rubs his thumb along Jared's bottom lip which feels full and swollen. "Get your breath," he tells him quietly, "and we'll try again." 

Jared relaxes a little as he pulls air into his lungs. His jaw aches and his mouth is raw with the taste, the feel, of Jensen. 

A moment later Jensen's cock is back, pushing into Jared's mouth and thrusting shallowly a few times to let Jared get the feel. This time, Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared's hair, guides him up off the pillows as he pushes in. Jared focuses on that, on the sting, the way it shoots straight to his cock. Fuck, add getting his hair pulled to the long list of things he never thought he'd get off on. 

The third time Jared manages to relax enough that the tip of Jensen's cock pushes down, past the resistance of his throat and he stays there for a second as Jared focuses on relaxing. He can feel Jensen shaking, groaning, and then he's pulling out, swearing. 

"Good, fuck, Jared, good." He's soothing his hand over Jared's forehead, and Jared realizes belatedly that he's pushing Jared's hair off his face. 

Jared's eyes are still closed, Jensen hasn't told him he could open them, and he's grateful when he catches on, can feel the movement of Jensen jerking himself off, hear the frantic rise and fall of his breathing. 

He's ready for it but it still surprises him when the first streak of come lands on his face, marks his skin. The next one lands on his lips and Jared just opens his mouth for it. 

Jared trusts Jensen to get him there, but fuck, he's never been so hard in his life. He tries to focus on something else. The come drying on his skin, how hot it is in the room, anything but how hard he is. 

Jensen disappears and Jared resists opening his eyes. It's easier like this, he's realized, not knowing what's coming. It settles him somehow and he's grateful for that. 

Jensen comes back, settles himself between Jared's spread thighs. Jensen wraps a slick hand around Jared, stroking him once and Jared pulls at his bonds, convulsing as his hips come off the bed. 

Jensen smacks his hip. "Be patient," he says. "I'll make it worth your while." 

It takes a second for Jared to focus, and when he does he realizes Jensen's rolling a condom on him, using quick and sure fingers to get it snug. 

"Oh please," Jared whispers, his body shaking with it. In a span of days that have been the hottest of Jared’s life, he thinks this moment right here might be the sexiest fucking thing that’s ever happened to him. 

Jensen’s hand strokes him a couple of times, making Jared grit his teeth, and then Jensen’s settling above Jared’s hips. 

_Shit_. “Jensen,” Jared moans. They don't do it like this, hardly ever. It's not even a thing Jared thinks all that much about, but just the thought that Jensen's going to ride him while he's tied to the bed makes Jared's heart threaten to thump right out of his chest. 

Jensen braces himself with one hand on the headboard, fingers closed around Jared's wrists. He holds the base of Jared's dick with his free hand, steadying him, as he slowly, so fucking slowly, starts to sink down on him. 

Jensen is tight, tighter than anyone Jared's ever been with. Jared's not small and he can tell from the way Jensen's shaking that he's struggling. 

"Jensen," Jared mumbles plaintively. Now is when he wants to touch Jensen, to stroke his hip, hold him still, make the stretch easier. But Jensen's in control here and he's holding himself painfully still as he tries to adjust. 

Jared's mind is racing with what Jensen must look like. And he wants so badly to see, to see Jensen shaking, flushed, sinking down on Jared. 

"Fuck," Jensen hisses, and Jared can hear it in his voice, the struggle. "Jesus, you're so fucking big," Jensen babbles, a stream of words under his breath Jared doesn't think Jensen means to say out loud. 

"Jensen," Jared pleads in a whisper, "I want to see. I want to see you, fuck." 

Jensen stills at that, like he's forgotten. "Oh, shit, Jared, you're so good, you're so good for me like this," he mumbles like he’s completely mindless. "Go on, it's okay, open your eyes." 

Jared opens his eyes and nearly comes from the visual alone. Jensen’s on his knees, hunched forward with one hand on the headboard, the other holding his own cock, white knuckling like he's trying not to come. 

Jared shifts his hips, thighs falling open and he pushes up into Jensen. 

"Fuck," Jensen hisses. He lets go of himself, palm flat on Jared's chest, and starts to sink down slowly, opening up for Jared like it's taking all the will he has. 

Jared can't stop looking, the flex of Jensen's hips, the bunch of his stomach muscles from the strain of holding himself still, the sweat sliding down his cheek, the red flush on his throat. He's fucking beautiful. Jared's head is swimming. 

Finally, fucking finally, Jared's all the way in, Jensen's ass pressed against his thighs. 

"I'm gonna come," Jared whispers, because he really fucking is, he can barely hold on. 

Jensen seems to remember himself then, Jared can see him gathering his control. "No," he says, rocks his hips, "you get to come when I say." Jared would admire his restraint except he can see his shoulders shake and hear the waver in his voice. 

Jensen bites his lip, closes his eyes and lifts up on his knees, pulling up and then sinking slowly, slowly back down until Jared is all the way in again. 

Jensen fucks him like that, slow and dirty. Jared is shaking. He suddenly realizes his lip is bleeding. He swipes his tongue right in the middle of his bottom lip and tastes the blood. It stings but it gives him something to focus on, to pay attention to instead of how hard he is. 

He's completely forgotten about the plug until he sees Jensen slip a hand down behind him, fumbling and then he's pressing at the base, working it around and Jared groans. 

"Go on," Jensen mumbles, watching Jared's face. "You can come." He tugs at the base and slowly starts to pull it out. Jared convulses then, his ass clenching, trying to get it back as he comes deep inside Jensen, hips coming up off the bed. 

Jared’s still shaking through it when Jensen pulls off gingerly and settles on the bed beside Jared. He pulls the condom off, ties it and tosses it to the foot of the bed. 

Jared's closes his eyes, trying to catch his breath. He can’t wrap his head around how hot that was. He feels Jensen get up, hears him head into the bathroom. When he returns several minutes later he’s got a warm washcloth and he’s wiping at Jared’s cheek. 

Jared can’t help it, he laughs. It’s not funny but it kind of is. And maybe he feels a little hysterical, a little wrung out, all his nerves turned inside out. 

Jensen’s smiling wryly at him and it makes him feel settled then. The smile shifts to something dirty as he moves the wash cloth down Jared’s stomach to his dick, wipes at the come and then sinks down, mouthing at it, licking what's left. 

Jensen is still hard, his cock flushed between his legs, but he doesn't seem concerned by it. He straddles Jared's hips and works at the knots around Jared's wrists. Jared can see that for now Jensen’s focused on Jared, on whatever it is Jared needs. 

Jared’s shoulders cry out in protest when he tries to bring his arms down. It hurts, but in that good way that makes his body go hot. Jared flexes his fingers and lets his arms rest on the bed. 

Jensen surprises him, palms Jared's face and kisses him, slow and deep, sinking down on top of Jared. Jared can feel Jensen's dick trapped between them, can feel it when Jensen starts to rock. But he's still focusing on Jared, sucking at his lip, pressing kisses to his jaw, up his cheek, kissing his eyelids. 

Jared wants to tell him he's okay. But he understands that Jensen is doing this as much for himself as he is for Jared. And he likes being looked after. He likes the way Jensen touches him like maybe he’s feeling as overwhelmed by all of this as Jared is. 

Jensen doesn’t stop kissing him as he reaches between them and wraps a hand around himself. He kisses Jared all the way through it and Jared swallows the sounds he makes when Jensen comes. 

 

* * *

 

It's disorienting, waking up at first. He's pressed face down in a bed that isn't his own, naked, sheets tangled at his feet. He waits for awareness, his body coming online. He opens his eyes and winces as light floods in, early morning sunlight streaming in through the open curtains, lighting up Jensen's bedroom. 

Jensen's tangled around him, cheek on Jared's back, both of them melded together from the warmth of their bodies. 

Jared's never crashed so hard after sex. He feels heavy and relaxed, nearly comatose, like he never wants to move again. Unfortunately his mouth is cotton dry and he’s getting desperate to relieve himself.

Jensen sleeps heavy and doesn't so much as flinch when Jared crawls out from under him, stumbling over discarded clothes as he gets to feet that feel shaky. 

He scrubs at his teeth with a finger covered in toothpaste and gargles a little to get the morning taste out of his mouth. When he looks up at his reflection, he feels all the breath catch in his chest. 

Thoroughly fucked is the only term that comes to mind as he takes himself in. His hair's completely disheveled, cheeks flushed from sleep. He's got a bruise on his jaw in the shape of Jensen's mouth, and when he touches it with one fingertip, it stings. He still doesn't quite get this side of him, the side that gets off on being marked by Jensen; that gets off on fresh bruises and the dull pain they bring. 

There's a ring of bruises at his throat, he sees as he lifts his chin. Small little bites in a collar around his neck. 

"Jesus," he breathes, bracing himself against the sink, head falling forward. It's hot as hell. He's almost disappointed that he’ll have to cover it up. And then he gets hot at the idea of sitting in class, his own little secret hiding just below his shirt. 

Jared takes a leak, but it's a difficult thing now that he's mostly hard. He finishes and moves back out into the bedroom, climbs back into bed and presses himself against Jensen. He’s all warm and flushed in sleep and he smells familiar, sweat and soap and something else that’s all Jensen. 

He feels itchy with the desire to get off. He’s not all that into exhibitionism but he gets a little thrill at the idea of getting off here with Jensen asleep beside him. He’s careful not to jostle Jensen as he slips his hand beneath the sheets and wraps his palm around his cock. The first touch makes him hiss air through his clenched teeth. He lets his thighs fall open to get the right kind of leverage. 

He’s watching Jensen’s face as he sleeps, the laugh lines around his eyes relaxed, the stubble on his jaw, his pink mouth lax and parted. Jared touches his thumb to Jensen's obscene lower lip, the warm, wet inside and jerks himself faster. 

"Shit," Jared gasps. Jensen's awake now, eyes fluttered open. Jared gets teeth in his thumb, Jensen sucking it in between his lips. 

"Oh god," Jared says frantically, maybe slightly embarrassed at being caught. Jensen sucks harder at Jared and then startles Jared when he gets abruptly to his knees. 

"Show me," he says in this rough morning voice that wraps itself around Jared. 

It’s a combination of things that gets him going. Being caught jerking off while Jensen slept, Jensen watching him, that commanding tone Jensen has that Jared never hesitates to obey. 

He clenches his eyes shut as he comes, unable to keep watching Jensen. Jensen makes him feel so incredibly on display, the worst, most secret parts of himself on display in a way that Jared is trying to get used to. 

"Jared, look at me," Jensen says quietly. It's different from the tone he used last night, just coaxing and gentle now. Jared forces his eyes open, trying to get past the embarrassment. 

"Tell me," Jensen says softly. Jared doesn't know what he means so he says what's on his mind, just lifts his chin and presses his fingers to the bruises at his throat. 

Jensen's eyes follow and Jared watches as his eyes go dark, his cheeks flush. 

"Oh," Jensen hums, "yeah, you like that?" He touches his thumb to one, presses and Jared hisses, arching. 

Jensen ducks his head and licks over the marked skin, laps at it like he's trying to taste the blood underneath, trying to get inside. 

Jared pushes his hand into Jensen's hair and just holds him there. 

He can feel Jensen reach underneath him to touch his cock, stroking himself as he sucks at Jared's skin. 

Jensen leans back, shuffling to his knees and leaning up over Jared. Jared watches in amazement as he gets it, Jensen's intent as he strokes himself faster, harder. 

And god Jared wants it, wants to see Jensen come; wants to feel it. It doesn't take him long and Jared's baring his throat, head back against the pillows when Jensen groans, mumbles Jared's name and comes hot against Jared's throat, painting the marks on his skin. 

Jared's breathing hard with Jensen. Given time he can get hard again, just from this. He touches his fingertips to his skin and swipes them through the come there. He closes his eyes, turns his face to hide how completely overwhelmed he is right now. Everything they do together makes him want more, things he didn't think he would want are suddenly all he can think about. 

Jensen's breathing's slowed and he settles next to Jared, pushing his fingers through the sweat damp hair at his forehead. 

"Mm, don't be shy now, Jared," Jensen singsongs all low and rough as he wraps his fingers around Jared's wrist. Jared watches, face flushed red, eyes wide, as Jensen brings Jared's hand to his mouth. Jared moans as he sucks Jared's fingers into his mouth, teeth grazing his skin, mouth hot and wet and Jared just sinks into it. 

"Next time," Jensen says, moving up to lie over Jared, cover him from head to toe with the warmth of his body. "Wake me up." His smile is teasing and gentle. He leans down for a kiss, but instead of his lips Jared gets his tongue, swiping across his mouth. He groans and grips Jensen's hips. 

 

* * * 

 

After a weekend of emotions and intense sex, Monday is hell. 

Jared wakes up in his own bed, alone after two days spent sleeping with and beside Jensen. His bed doesn’t feel right, his skin doesn’t feel right, _he_ doesn’t feel right. 

He takes a hot shower, trying to wash away the unpleasantness sitting heavy in his stomach, the feeling like his skin doesn’t fit right. 

He’s hoping to avoid Chad but of course he’s not that lucky. “Jesus, what the fuck happened to you?” Chad says downstairs in the kitchen. “You look like you got ran over by a train.” 

“Thank you, that’s just what I needed to hear this morning.” Jared pours milk and too much sugar into his coffee and just barely resists the desire to kick Chad in the chins. 

Things don’t get worse but they don’t get much better, either. He can’t even pinpoint what’s bothering him, but he feels unlike himself, out of sorts like he left something important behind and he can’t remember what it was.

His first class of the week is a tedious psychology class he’s taking for his general requirements. It’s annoying on the best days and today it’s downright painful. 

He’s not really paying attention when he rubs his thumb over his wrist where the bruises are. He’s spent the better part of the last hour thinking about things he shouldn’t be thinking about while sitting on an unforgiving chair in a lecture hall with a hundred other students. 

He realizes with a sudden rush what that one touch does to him when he closes his hand around his wrist, the pressure reminding him of the way it felt when Jensen did it. Jared gets it now, the appeal of cuffs, at least for him. A physical reminder of Jensen, of what they are to each other. 

It’s something to think about, thrown into his brain with a dozen other new things to consider thanks to Jensen and the realizations he’s made about himself over the last seventy-two hours. 

He keeps a hand on his wrist for the rest of the hour and it’s an anchor. It’s something to focus on, something that focuses _him_ and he gets through the class having managed to retain at least some of the information. 

He isn’t expecting to see Jensen until mid week, but leave it to Jensen to surprise him. Jensen’s done nothing but surprise him for the last seven months. 

Jared answers the door to find Jensen with a bag of take out. 

“Hi,” Jared says, smiling. “I didn’t know I’d see you today.” Jared’s aware of how exhausted and ragged he looks but Jensen’s looking at him like he’s never seen anything better. It’s a feeling Jared doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to. 

“I wanted to see you,” Jensen says like it’s a secret. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” 

Jared takes the bags from Jensen and kisses him. “I’m okay,” he assures him. “I’m better now that you’re here.” The last part is a whisper against Jensen’s lips. It’s the truth.

Jensen brought cartons of rice and chicken with broccoli and Jared’s favorite beer. They spread everything out on the coffee table and eat out of the containers with the television on mute. 

They don’t talk much but it’s the kind of silence where nothing needs to be said. 

“I needed this,” Jared admits when he’s reaching for his second bottle of beer. “I’m glad you came over.” 

Jensen gives Jared a soft smile and reaches for his hand, turning it over and rubbing at Jared’s bruises. “How does this feel?” 

“Sore,” Jared tells him. “But good. I like it.” 

“I have something for you,” Jensen says suddenly, reaching into one of the bags. He pulls out a wooden box and passes it to Jared. 

“It’s just a possibility, Jared,” Jensen says. He looks like he wants to say something else but he leaves it there. 

Jared sets his beer down on the table and takes the lid off the box. He has a sudden physical reaction to Jensen’s gift, this rush of breath expelling from his lungs and something hot and electric shooting through him. 

The cuffs are strips of supple brown leather, fastened by silver buckles. There’s a D ring on each and Jared gets a flash of himself tied to Jensen’s bed, wearing only these. 

His face feels beet red and he’s surprised into speechlessness. He can’t even look at Jensen, he can’t look away from the box, from what this means. He doesn’t even know what it means. 

“I know it’s a lot,” Jensen says quietly. "I know this, everything with us, is a lot. This," he says, gesturing to the box on Jared’s lap, "is a lot. If you don't want it, if you're not ready for it, Jared, all you have to do is tell me. We'll stop, we'll take it slow. We'll do what you're comfortable with." 

Jared looks down at the brown leather, the silver buckles, and thinks about the way things were four days ago. He doesn't want to go back to that, he can't imagine his life without this, without Jensen. 

"Will you put them on me?" Is the answer Jared gives before he realizes it’s what he meant to say. He leans his head on Jensen's shoulder to catch his breath. The idea of the cuffs is enough to get him going and he feels unsteady here. 

Jensen doesn't question him. He doesn't belittle Jared by asking if he's sure. He tucks a kiss beneath Jared's jaw and reaches for the cuffs. 

Jared watches as Jensen's fingers work at the buckle, as he carefully closes the cuff around Jared's wrist. He strokes Jared's palm as he turns his wrist over for Jared to see what it looks like. There's nothing obscene about it. It's plain brown leather, like the strap of a nice watch. But Jared knows what it means and that makes the difference. 

Jensen gets the other cuff around Jared's second wrist. 

“These are yours,” Jensen tells Jared. “You can wear them when we’re together, you can wear them in public. For now, I’ll leave it up to you. Whatever you’re comfortable with, that’s what we’ll do.” 

Jared can’t say anything so he settles for “thank you.” 

Later, when they make it upstairs to Jared’s room, it feels like a first. Everything with Jensen feels new, feels like beginning again. But when Jensen spreads him out on the bed, touching him everywhere, Jared feels like he’s falling all over again, like he can’t and won’t ever get enough. 

When they’re naked and Jared’s arching, begging with his body, Jensen knows without asking what Jared needs. He holds Jared down with his fingers locked around Jared’s wrists where they’re pressed to the bed above his head. His teeth craze Jared’s collarbone and his cock presses hard against Jared’s as he rocks his hips. Jared’s panting into Jensen’s mouth. He can feel the cuffs on his wrists as plain as if they were made of metal and not expensive leather. 

“Come on, please,” Jared says a little later when he can feel how close he is to coming. He wants to do it with Jensen pushing into him, to come on Jensen’s cock in his ass. 

Jared's sweating, panting, he feels like he's coming apart at the seams. It's the most intense sex he's ever had and there's nothing but emotion there with them. He thinks he gets it now, he gets what the fuss is about. 

When Jensen lets go of Jared to brace his weight on his forearms, Jared wraps his arms around Jensen's back and clings, legs at Jensen's waist, holding on for all he's worth. 

It's a while before either of them comes, there's no rush, no frantic race to get off. Jared's focused on every slide and push of Jensen in him, every press of Jensen against him. He's focused on the sweet curve of Jensen's mouth against his, the sounds Jensen makes when Jared arches his hips up and tries to change the angle. 

Jared digs his fingertips into Jensen and hangs on for dear life. 

 

* * * 

 

Jared finds out about “Ross’s” retirement from the porn business through a message on JDM.com. Jared’s been on the update feed since his own short-lived career in the world of adult entertainment. Mostly he ignores the updates unless they mention the two men in his life. 

The message is short:

> > > _I’d like to thank all the JDM.com fans for your support these last five years. It’s been the ride of a lifetime. But it’s time for me to move on. I hope you’ll support me in my next adventure, the one that means the most to me. XOXO - Ross_

It’s the grandest gesture in the history of grand gestures.

Jared doesn’t realize he’s made up his mind until he’s halfway across town, driving fifteen miles over the speed limit and white knuckling the steering wheel. He’s worked himself up into a state of hysteria by the time he takes the turn to Jensen’s apartment. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Jared says the second Jensen opens the door. “You’re unbelievable, you’re insane. I can’t believe you did that.” 

“Hello,” Jensen says with laughing eyes, looking pleased with himself. 

“I can’t believe you,” Jared mumbles, shaking his head. He curls his fingers in Jensen’s t-shirt, focuses on the unraveling hem. 

It’s been a whirlwind of eight months and Jared wonders if he’ll always feel like he’s playing catch up. He considers everything that’s happened, everything between them recently, and he thinks he can live with that if it means moments like these. 

He takes a breath. It’s his turn now. Go big or go home and this might be the biggest he’s ever gone. 

“Jensen, I fucking love you,” he says fiercely, tightening his grip on Jensen’s shirt and tugging him until their toes bump and their knees fit together. This is what he came to say, what he worked himself up into admitting out loud. 

Jensen’s smile gets wider and his eyes go soft at the corners. “I was hoping you did,” he says with a crooked grin, an uncertainty in his eyes dissolving. “I really would have hated to be the only one this miserable.” 

Jared laughs out loud then, hiding it in Jensen’s neck as Jensen palms his hip and holds on. 

Jensen slides his other hand up into Jared’s hair. “Hey,” he breathes against Jared’s skin. “I love you.” 

Jensen kisses him with all the strength and power of those three words until they’re both clinging to each other and trying to breathe.


End file.
